Pre-Liver Biopsy

I have to say, this week has been mostly up, but I have caught myself displacing my anxiety more than a few times. It didn't come out as anixety though, it was morphed into anger, and directed at my loving family. That got me sad, and using more restraint on myself, which is good.

Today, I am working on the more details of making sure the house is better (not best though, things are a bit behind in the organized home front...toddler #4 will do that to a family!); and working at calming myself into a more peaceful mindframe.

I won't lie and say I haven't thought of the 4 outcomes my Gastro Dr. Em might say to me, and think of how I will deal with each blow, and who would be my first call depending on outcome (that is to say, IF I find anything out tomorrow). From what I researched, these are the most likely outcomes, but there are dozens of others too...

1. Everything is fine, just lose the 55 lbs you are carrying around and your health will return to mostly normal, you just have minor damage to your liver that may/may not heal, but your liver enzymes should return to normal.
2. Well, things aren't fine, but they aren't dire either. You have some minor problems that we can work with over time, but are life long since there is no cure for them...self-help, some meds, and if things get worse as you get older, we have some ideas we can work with (PBC or worse, PSC).
3. You have a severe life long disease that we will work closely with (be it NASH or full blown cirrohsis), and eventually you will need a liver transplant in 10-20 yrs.
4. You have cancer. You are not eligable for a liver transplant due to having cancer.

I am working on thinking positive, as I read, hear and even my Dad tells me...think the outcome you want, and you will most likely get it. It is true, we are what we EAT & THINK, and that is why I am in the place I am now.

I am aware that being this overweight is very bad for me, and that exercise and eating differently will save my life. From the time I worked at Burger King when I was 17, until my gallbladder was removed 11 months ago, I ate fast food about 3 times or more, a week (I was 34 at the time, that was HALF OF MY LIFE).

In our home, we don't have a bunch of junk or even soda. Those are special treats that happen on a bday or something (every other month here). We do eat too much pizza and ice cream, even though I am anti-dairy (what a dirty secret that is!). We don't buy cookies, chips (okay, tortilla chips and fresh salsa in fridge isle). We eat a lot of ground beef, cheap & easy to fix for a family of 6, and whole chickens when they are on sale at Roth's for 69cents a lb! What I am saying is that we don't eat like I see some families eat...a lot of crap. But we don't eat as healthy as I would like according to my own standards.

In 24 hours, I will be sedated, sliced open (just a bit) and a needle will pull some of my liver out to test. I pray, pray, pray that I get a second chance at life, and some life sentence doesn't come from this. I keep thinking, maybe I am overreacting...but what if this is even more than I realize it could be?

My Dr. reminds me though, if it were cancer, you would be losing weight...well, I am a steady 190, so that is a good sign!